Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
