We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its liver damage thursday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
