i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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