...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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