I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
