I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I could make wine with my vomit
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
