Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
worst night to have a conscience
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
