I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
