he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
