Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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