New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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