i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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