WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize