Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
