Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize