Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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