Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
