my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need a beard to bite.
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