Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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