Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
