im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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