What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
