She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
