i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
