What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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