there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
