when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
