when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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