I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
