I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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