hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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