You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
