I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
