I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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