dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
