I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
