I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my poor anus
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
