I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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