You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
