Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
