operation harelip BJ is a go
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
