Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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