There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
