If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
