Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize