I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
