i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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