I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
