if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
