I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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