I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This baby is an asshole
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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