I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
