it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
