Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
