i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
