lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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