I smell stomach acid.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize