He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
