I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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