i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
