i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
