You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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