Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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