I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
