I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
