Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
