This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
