Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
