There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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