I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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