You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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