i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
