Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
