i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
