I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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