i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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